As a pastor's wife, I have the joy of telling others about Christ's unwavering, unending love. I have encouraged other women by reminding them that no matter what they've done or how far they've turned from God, He is always there with open arms. His love is not contingent upon our behavior or our good deeds. It is constant. Always.
I was reminded this week, that even though I know this in my head, I needed a refresher course. My Savior who knows what I need to learn did not teach me about His love for me in a warm and fuzzy manner. Instead, he revealed some of my deepest idols and showed me a picture of His heart for me.
It's really hard as a mom, to not make your children the centerpiece of your world. I am guilty of this and I constantly battle the need to be filled by the love and approval of my babies. Violet is young of course, but even so I can see the pattern that I have developed with Abigail. I love them so much and I really want them to love me back. But what about when they don't? What about when they are older and I have to discipline them or set boundaries to protect them? If my girls are filling my need to be loved, then I will be left in despair, because momma will not be their favorite when I enforce their curfew!
This week, my sweet Abigail allowed me to have a teachable moment with Jesus. You see, I absolutely adore her and she loves her mommy. But she is going through a phase, where she would rather be with anyone but me. Sometimes it's Mike, and sometimes it's a new friend at church! But lately, my momma heart has been bruised with rejection by my daughter.
A few nights ago, she kicked and screamed as I tried to rock her at bedtime. She wanted Mike, and she was adamant about not wanting me to put her to bed. The next day was my day off, and I wanted to spend as much time with her as I could. But she ran away from me as I picked her up from her Mothers Day Out program. It hurt. With tears filling my eyes, I prayed that God would help me to love her through this phase.
My dear sister in law spoke wisdom into my life while she was visiting this past week. She reminded me that we can often feel entitled to our children's love and affection. We can feel that it is our right to have love reciprocated from our spouse, or friend, or even our child. But Jesus gave up his rights. He gets in the trenches with us and loves us unconditionally while we are kicking and screaming at Him. He doesn't give up on us when we go through our phases of rejection or when we run to anyone other than Him. He is constant and His love endures. He is a good father, and the moment we turn into his embrace, He holds us close. Always.
So if your two year old decides one day that you are the last person on earth that she would rather be with, rest in this truth. Jesus loves you. He loves you when you turn away from Him and He loves you when you are consumed by his affection. There is absolutely nothing in this world, that could separate you from the love of Christ. This is one of my favorite worship songs, and I hope the lyrics will fill you with hope and joy as you rest in our Savior's love. As we celebrate Valentines Day later this week, I plan to spend some time with the only one who can love me with a perfect love...that never fails.
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